Profile of the Missing Men
Dr. Dorothy J. Haire

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God,” – (James 1:5)



In order to grow, churches use different strategies. However, no matter what growth strategies churches use, there is a segment of the community that is not being reached by anyone. I call them “The Missing Men.” These are the men who consider themselves born again, but have stopped attending church or who visit, but will not join a local assembly. 

I interviewed six “Missing Men,” ages 22 to 73, to get an understanding of why they no longer want to be committed to a local church. I strongly believe that God will reveal divine strategies to concerned Pastors who hear the heart of these men through the words they spoke during their individual interviews. 

“D” is a 22 year old father of a four year old daughter. He is presently unemployed, but hopes to begin school soon. He is born again and was once a Praise Dancer and in the church choir. The church was small and everyone knew everyone else’s business, lots of gossip. “D” shared, “I have learned not to look at the people or the pastor because they preach one thing, but live another.”  He is not looking for a church now, but when he does he will look for a large church where he can meet new people and “everybody does not know your business.” 

“P” is a 34 year old with two children, who has joint custody with two mothers who are unbelievers. He is presently unemployed, but was a bouncer in a club. He was born-again at an early age, very active in a small church, and held multiple positions in the church. “P” stopped attending church when he had his first child. ‘I felt sheltered and wanted to experience the world. I used to say to my mother, ‘Can you just talk to me as a mother and not as a preacher or saved woman?  Now at 34 years old it all makes sense.” “P” considers himself a member of the church he grew up in, although he does not attend regularly. “I will go back when I get myself together.”

“R” is a 43 year old business owner, twice divorced with six children and three grandchildren. Raised in the church, active in youth choir, male chorus, and as an usher, “R” said he left church because his life got busy. He started devoting more time to starting and growing his business, which left less time for church. Although he does not read his Bible, he prays throughout the day. “R” confesses, “My business would not be possible without Him.” “R” added, “There was nothing wrong with my former church and I am not shopping around for a new one.”

“S” is a 53 year old married father of two young adults. He supervises a 27 member staff at a local pharmaceutical company. He is born-again, but not a member of a church. Although he was once active in church when he was a young adult, he left because he wanted to get back out into the world, “smoking, drinking and cussing.” Now that he is older, “S” does not attend church because “I work hard through the week and when I get home I just want to rest. I don’t want to be around a lot of people. I don’t read my Bible. I give God thanks when things are good; when things are bad, I tough it out. 

“J” is a 60 year old Social Work supervisor who is widowed with two children and three grandchildren. Although he was raised in the church, “J”s thoughts about the necessity of church changed. “I don’t need the church to tell me about faith and my belief in God. Religion is a philosophy of teaching and I can interpret the Bible for myself. Church used to be where people helped each other and gave moral support, like a family. Now the mega-church pastor is like a CEO running a business.” “J” says he visits his wife’s church once or twice a month.

“H” is a 73 year old widow who is a retired father and grandfather. “H” shared, “When I was small I was forced to go to church. I said then ‘When I grow up I am not going.’ I can serve the Lord at home just as good as sitting up in someone’s church. I will visit, but I will never join. I only like old-time preaching and the old hymns. I don’t like the dancing, the testifying, and speaking in tongues. I do listen to Charles Stanley and T. D. Jakes. I can understand them.”

Hear the hearts and needs of these “Missing Men”, Pastors. Then ask the Holy Ghost how to effectively reach out to them. Their presence, their spiritual gifts, their natural abilities are needed in the local church to help it be balanced and to represent all of the people. And they need the local church, whether they will admit it are not. Let us actively, but wisely, reach out to the “Missing Men.”