"Nicci Roach Interviews

Pastor Beverly Jenkins 

This is Us!

"Building Intimacy Marriage Retreat 2025"

Beverly Jenkins is a dynamic and inspiring leader whose impact spans across the spheres of family, faith, and community. As a devoted wife, mother, entrepreneur, and businesswoman, she brings an unwavering commitment to service and transformation. In her role as President and CEO of Refuge & Restoration NPO Marketplace, Beverly leads a passionate team dedicated to providing holistic services and expanding access to opportunities for individuals, families, businesses, and communities. With over two decades of experience in the nonprofit sector, she has built a reputation for executing results-driven strategies that strengthen operational excellence, enhance organizational design, and elevate business planning—always with a deep connection to mission, vision, and culture.

Together with her husband, Ken Jenkins, Beverly also serves as a pastor at Refuge and Restoration Church in St. Louis, Missouri. They also lead the This Is Us! Building Intimacy Marriage Retreat (BIMR). She holds a Master of Arts in Organizational Leadership and Management from Regent University and is a certified PREP-ENRICH facilitator, empowering others to navigate conflict and build healthy relationships both personally and professionally. Known for her passion for strategic planning and workshop facilitation, Beverly’s ultimate goal is to inspire and equip others to believe in their potential, transform their lives, and build strong, equitable communities through leadership, service, and what she calls “ruthless compassion.”

Nicci Roach: Tell me a little bit about what inspired this vision for the marriage retreat. 

Beverly Jenkins: It started in 2003, with me and my husband needing our own personal community around our own marriage. We married in 1996, so it was about seven years into our marriage. I guess, the seven-year itch, were you’re trying to figure each other out, and sometimes you get it right, and most times you get it wrong.

That's really where we were. We were saved, and we knew we needed a community. About 13 couples came together. Some were friends of other people, friends of friends. We decided we would have a Friday evening of just games and fun, and then a Saturday where we sat through some sessions with each other and talked and had some roundtable discussions about marriage and what scriptures pertained to our own growth, personal growth. And then we had a Sunday service - we call it an affirmation service. The goal was to get up and share with the group what was our best takeaways from the weekend with one another. And by the time we had gotten to Sunday, the takeaways overtook us. The Holy Spirit began to download upon all the couples that were there – proof of the importance of having God at the center of your marriage. That’s really were the vision for the marriage retreat started. 

NR: I'm assuming that conversation was kind of a cry out for help, maybe a little poke for some help? 

BJ: Yeah, it was an incredible poke for some help. We had just moved from our home church having been members for many years, transitioning to a different church. It wasn't that anything was wrong with our home church, it's just that we were on a journey towards community development in 2003, but didn't know what that looked like. We transitioned because they were heavily involved in community development.

We were like, oh, let's go and glean from them and just sit under their tutelage for a couple years. And they graciously took us in. That's where we met these couples and we were like, look, we really need community. We said let's get a group of us and just take a ride up to the Ozarks, get away from here. It was about 13 couples; some from our home church that we came out of and some from the new church - people who were like, hey, ‘let's just pour out on each other over this weekend’. And the Lord took over from there.

NR: Now you find yourselves in community. What were some of the things that caused some angst initially? Because you know how it can be - we don't want people to know our business and fighting with all we have to not show vulnerability. 

BJ: Honestly, we didn't believe we were starting a marriage retreat. This didn't even really come up until after we were leaving. And everybody was like, we must do this again. So, we weren't setting out to ever start a marriage ministry. That was not the goal. We literally were saying, let's just go sit in a circle and talk. 

I think that the model for transparency was instrumental. By the time it [the couple’s trip to the Ozarks] was over, that's really what happened, transparency. I think that the break happened for all of us on that Sunday, I think we all were tentative up until that Sunday. I think most people talk surface around what's really going on, what's happening, even though we’re in that circle it was not really open. But transparency showed up that Sunday, the moment when those who got up to share their own personal takeaways and honesty about what they needed. 

We had a rule that you only are allowed to talk about yourself. You weren't allowed to bash your partner and say all the things you felt was missing in the relationship. That Sunday when people started dealing with themselves is when I believe the overflow of love hit the room and the Holy Spirit was able to really work and say, ‘okay, now that you're really able and willing to deal with yourself, I can deal with your spouse’. One of the biggest takeaways was to deal with YOU. Asking self, ‘what is it that you're bringing to the table that's toxic’? And that's really how it started.

NR: I recall a time growing up when you had to choose - you're going to do work in the church or you're going to do work in the community. Currently you’re leading a church and congregation, you’re leading a massive, active community marketplace development project and more. You and your husband have a unique dynamic - you are lockstep every step of the way. How is it that you and your husband continue to find the proper rhythm to sustain love and laughter despite all the assignments? 

BJ: Over time you kind of learn the different spaces. We have become really good at it and this is really through trial and error and through, of course, the Lord pointing out the things that we do well. I feel like my gift is more discernment and prophecy. I'm a pastor as well, but I don't take a lot of pleasure in teaching on Sunday mornings. I don't want to do that, but I recognize my gifts that I know God has endowed me with. I show up and use my gifts in these different spaces. 

NR: I love your confidence! I often remind others that there comes a time when we must trust what God has already placed within us - and step outside the four walls of the church to use our gifts to advance the Kingdom.

BJ: Yes, and let that be your guidepost. I'm just going to be transparent. I had to dig my heels in the ground because I think, when a husband and wife are, called together, and people know, they're like, oh, they're both pastors, right? They often push [ask], ‘Well, when are you going to preach? Are you speaking this week?’ And my husband, even at one point, because I also sing, he was very comfortable with my gifts and probably more comfortable with my gifts than I was. He asked, ‘are you going to sing before I preach this week?’ And at one point the Lord was like, ‘NO, I need you to step back completely’. It was very uncomfortable for him because he was like, ‘I'm used to this. This is what you do. This is what we do. You sing, I preach. And then you give a prophetic word’. I was like, I'm not allowed to say anything right now. He [my husband] was like, ‘I just don't think that's God.’ 

NR: This is good because we can be so deep that it's a detriment to us, right? I am a believer of personal sabbaticals and spiritual sabbaticals. There's a time when we need to press pause. You pour out in so many ways. If you never stop to get refilled and refueled and restored, how can you serve from a place of strength, stability, and clarity?

BJ: That's really great! We all need some refuge and some restoration.

NR: I'm reading between the lines, it seems you and your husband nurture your own private space of communication, not distracted by the outside influences. 

BJ: Yes, it takes a lot, and here's what must happen for it to stay in sync - you have to secure each other. And here is where the work comes in. If I'm secure in who I am and my husband is securing that personality or that character and he understands that, okay, she loves the Lord too. I need to take heed and listen and hear what the Lord is saying to her and over her. And I trust that. And I trust her, then I'm secure in that. And so, he can secure himself, knowing that I'm still the biggest cheerleader you got. I'm still with you.

And same thing with me. When we do that, we secure the relationship, and we secure one another and then the outside influences become invalid. Once you secure each other and you're okay with the person actually building from the foundation that the Lord has given, then it's really difficult to sway us as a couple. It's like, no, we know our roles. We know what spots we play for each other.

We go into rooms sometimes and it’s interesting because we'll sit in meetings, and I can tell in the room who doesn't want to hear from a woman. We'll look at each other and it's like, okay, you take lead on this because they're not going to hear me. And it's fine. It's because we're secure. We're securing each other. So, I don't have to flex, I'm like, it's okay. It's all right.

Even with our [Refuge and Restoration NPO] project, I know that I'm the CEO of the nonprofit. My husband runs the church. We know our spaces. If they're not going to hear me, I'm okay. And he's okay. The goal is to get the deal across the table. I will never forget, a guy asked him is it difficult for him to take a back seat to his wife? And he said, ‘I never knew I was in the back seat’. 

NR: There is this phrase we toss around about being ‘a boss’. Being a boss comes with a host of interpretations and expectations. I love that you shared you both are secure, you both know your places, and you also know when it's time to role play. 

BJ: A lot of it is cultural. We had a meeting and there were a few people from foreign countries. The men didn't have any problems with me being the only woman in the room. Maybe it was because of their culture from their country - they didn't have any problems hearing anything I had to share. They were very inquisitive and asking questions. Sometimes, when I'm in spaces with only American men, I find myself thinking, 'Okay, I get it’. This is a moment where it doesn't take anything away from me. I don't have to flex in the room. I know who I am. I care about getting things done. Let's get it finished. 

Also, I'm not going to cower and I'm definitely not going to allow anybody to make me small in the room. But I definitely feel like, hey, if you have a hard time receiving from me, and there’s a better chance of receiving from Ken, my husband, then that's fine.

NR: Social media has become deeply woven into the fabric of our lives. I'm sure this is a topic that you talk about and address in your retreat. Share a best practice for digital hygiene within relationships. 

BJ: It’s really interesting you mentioned social media. My husband and I are only social media people when it comes to sharing our work. Now, I have some views sometimes politically I cannot shut up about that. But, when it comes to boundaries in a marriage there are rules. For example, texting. For us, when it comes to text messaging, if there's a man who I know I need to talk to, I will put my husband in the message with me. 

There are no spaces where social media should be private. There’s no private social media - my page is my husband's page, and his page is my page. I don't have any problems with social media, but I think people do have these weird boundaries or strange things they do that can causes a ruckus in their marriage. Couples have to establish what those boundaries should look like. Boundaries must be established and upheld. 

NR: Research suggests that millennials and generation Z are reprioritizing marriage. How have you seen generational shifts influence relationships in your work with couples and at your marriage retreats?

BJ: I have children and it’s interesting to watch the dynamics with the younger generation. They're a lot more independent thinking in their marriages than how we grew up. I grew up knowing that I could have an independent thought. There was nothing wrong with me thinking independently, but I also grew up with the idea that my husband and I would become one.

That was real, like real biblical understanding what oneness meant. It meant we would come into agreement over how we were going to govern our house and our work. It was just, this is how we're going to live. This generation is very different, and I think a lot of it goes back to, I'm just going to put it plain, this generation is not as connected to scripture as the generations prior. I think there's a need for our [older] generations to really teach and not to scold. 

Sometimes the younger generations live in a selfish or self-preservation kind of mode. They don't know how to sacrifice themselves for their marriage, but that's because they haven't been raised that way. They are not self-sacrificers. That's what I'm seeing. One may say I don't like green eggs and ham. I'm not eating it. And that's just the way it is. 

NR: You bring up the word some may cringe at – sacrifice. Yes, there is a sacrifice that must be made when we talk about nurturing love and marriage. It is not a feeling and it’s bigger than the wedding. I agree that this teaching is necessary.

BJ: It is. Like for instance, I never forget when I was young in my marriage, I was reading Genesis chapter two and chapter three. I was reading it over and over and over again, trying to get an understanding what the Lord was saying about marriage from the beginning. I remember looking at those scriptures and thinking, I know God is not saying this to me this way. He cannot be saying this, and this does not make any sense to me. I felt the way I was reading it, which was very incorrect was through a filter of what I had been socialized to believe about scripture as opposed to truth of scripture. 

As I started reading and eventually, I'm a little embarrassed over this, but I remember reading it and I remember referencing in my heart that movie Coming to America. I thought I will not be whatever he likes. I just know this cannot be what is being said in the scripture. So, I stopped. I would read everything else in the Bible but I would not go back to Genesis chapter two or chapter three. 

Eventually the Lord led me back to it. Revelation started breaking forth. I started understanding the role of woman, the role of wife, and the role that she plays and how important she is not only her family, but to her husband. Her role is not diminished. That gave me power and an understanding of how powerful God was through woman, as opposed to she's diminished and she's second tier to man, which is what I'd been socialized to believe.

I was categorizing God in a social setting, as opposed to him being Lord, him being a loving father, him being God, him being Abba. And that was because of my own field of experience. I think a lot of people confuse their own field of experience or their own socialization with who God is. I had to get out of that.

NR: There’s a lot that needs to be unlearned and and things that need to be learned - but in a supportive, healthy community - and it seems This Is Us Marriage Retreat provides just that. What can couples expect from the conference?

BJ: Me and my husband had stopped leading this retreat for many years. We had passed it on to another couple who was running it at our church. This year, we decided to lead the retreat ourselves. This will be the first year that we've been back in probably six years.

NR: And it was God telling you it was time? 

BJ: Yes, we agreed we should run it. This is definitely not the most opportune moment, given everything we’re currently managing but we’re obeying God.

The goal of the retreat is to help couples discover and define who they are together in marriage - to clarify the vision for their lives, their relationship, and their family. It’s about answering key questions like: Where are we going? and How do we root our identity in Christ? The retreat encourages couples to embrace their unique journey, rather than adopting the identity of their parents, the couple down the street, or the picture-perfect couples we see on TV or Instagram - because behind those images, we don’t know what’s going on. 

The retreat itself follows this format. We found this to really works for men. We’ve always had a real draw for men who wanted to be at our retreats because we made it very relaxed. No couple shares their titles. No one needs to know that you're the bishop. No one needs to know your pastor. Everyone is on a first name basis. We honor those in such positions but we're like, OK, let's take our hats off and dig into an authentic time, an authentic weekend, keeping each other safe. We're going to guard each other. We share those kinds of things when we start the retreat.

Friday night, the goal is just play. It is fun. It’s probably the most nonreligious activities but to me, they're still spiritual. We're going to play games. We're going to laugh. We're going to eat well. We're going to fellowship. 

Saturday morning, we get up, we have breakfast together and then we dive into the teaching. We break bread over scripture, and we look at the subject matter that we want to explore. Afterwards is always an application.

There's always some kind of application for the couples to discuss together by themselves, as a couple. And then we come back together for a group discussion. We hear from those who are comfortable sharing with the large group. Usually, it breaks open so much understanding because people start going, ‘oh, we had that problem, too’. Or ‘we overcame that’. And someone may get up and share they experienced the same situation. And ‘we overcame that, and this is how we overcame it’. It just breaks the room open. 

We make sure there's free time, usually about five or six hours for the couples to just go and hang out with their spouse. We know most are so busy that they don't even take time to just be together. So, we break that time out where you go have lunch. You can have lunch with friends, but you still are taking time to be with each other.

That evening, again, it's one of those most nonreligious things we can do but we think it's very spiritual and very heartwarming - we have a beautiful dinner dance. Some of the couples have told us that they hadn't danced with their spouse since their wedding. Even those that have been married maybe 20 years, 30 years. Some will say ‘we hadn't held each other on a dance floor in 30 years. And so that dinner dance is really important to the evening. 

And then Sunday we have an affirmation service. The couples get up one by one, whoever wants to, we don't force anybody, to just share how the weekend impacted them. We’ve had couples get up and say, ‘we were divorcing and now we're, going to seek counsel’. ’We're going start over’. ‘We're going to find a church home, because we didn't know that God was so important to our relationship’. 

So, that's the kind of structure we anticipate for the weekend. And it bears really good fruit.

NR: How can couples learn more about the retreat? And what's the dates? 

BJ: This Is Us Marriage Retreat will take place April 25 – 27, 2025. Couples can show up on Thursday if they'd like. The retreat will be held at the Doubletree Hotel in Chesterfield, MO. More information can be found by visiting Building Intimacy Marriage Retreats (BIMR): https://www.facebook.com/BIMRWorks

For registration: https://thisisus.pushpayevents.com/booking/attendees/new 

NR: Please share one meaningful insight that can help restore and nurture lasting love.

BJ: We always say this, me and my husband both, really invest in your marriage, invest in each other the way you invest in stocks or the way that you invest in your own time. Put your phone down and invest the time in each other and it will pay off. It really does. We often invest in our weddings, investing thousands of dollars, but when it comes to investing in our marriage, the average couple invests in a 10-year period about $300.00 into their marriage. And, probably invested $50,000 to get married, but fail to invest in things that will build and bring love and joy and excitement to their marriage. So, invest in one another.

Learn more about Beverly Jenkins https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverlyjenkins/ 

Learn more about the author, Nicci Roach: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicciroach/