"Fathers Knows Best"

Dorothy Haire

A group of giggly, twelve year old girls were sitting on the iron rails of the local elementary school watching skinny, knobby-kneed boys play basketball. All of a sudden one boy breaks away from the crowd and dribbles the ball over to me. With his thirteen and a half, changing voice he loudly announces for all to hear, “I love you,” and dribbles back to the other boys. The girls giggled and the boys cheered! Refusing to admit I heard him, I continued to talk to the girl sitting next to me. I was twelve and had no interest in boys in general and now him in particular, since he had taken the liberty to humiliate me in front of everyone. I never wanted to see him again.

I later found out that his name was Johnnie Lee Haire. For the next two years, he stalked me. He was everywhere: school dances, basketball games, walking home from school, always proclaiming his love. 

By the time I was fourteen, my mother allowed him to come over and sit on the porch for a while. She loved his, “Yes, Ma’am,” “No, Ma’am,” “Thank you,”and “Can I pick that up for you, Ms. Bessie?” Two weeks before my seventeenth birthday, I married my best friend and soul mate. Thirty-three years and four adult children later, we were making plans as new empty nesters to live our wildest dreams. We were so happy. 

I could not imagine life without Johnnie. I was confident I would never have to live without him because I had talked with God about it. Johnnie’s death had become a concern for me when my friend Dee’s husband suddenly passed. They were such a loving couple and best friends. One night they went to sleep; she woke up the next morning, but he did not. I was in shock. This was unbelievable. I went to their house to see for myself if this was true. The look on Dee’s face said it all. I never wanted to experience that kind of pain.

I knew John 14:13,14 – “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.” I prayed all the way home, pleading with Jesus to take me home first. I explained to Him that I was an only child and all alone, except for Johnnie and our four children. Mama had passed years before. Johnnie had brothers and sisters who would help him finish raising our children. I told Jesus that I could not live without Johnnie – my friend, my lover, my soul mate, my everything. 

When I got home, I sat Johnnie down at the kitchen table. I explained what had happened to Dee. I repeated to him my prayer to God. I made him promise he would not die before me. Confident that God and Johnnie understood the desires of my heart and were in agreement, I went on with my life. 

A couple of years later, while we were laughing and talking, Johnnie began to cough. The cough increased until he began to hyperventilate. 

“You caught a cold?” I asked as I passed him a brown paper bag to breath into, which slowed his breathing. 

“No, I don’t have a cold.”

“Lie down and rest. You’ll feel better.” I went to the family room to read so that I would not disturb him. 

“Hey, Mama. Y’all got something to eat?” our son, Tommie asked as he came in the front door headed to the kitchen without waiting for an answer. A few minutes later, we both heard the sound of labored breathing. Running into the bedroom, it was obvious Johnnie was in trouble. 

“You are going to the hospital,” I informed Johnnie while motioning for Tommie to help me get his pants on. We walked him through the house to the front door. 

“What is this, Dorothy?” he struggled to ask.

“I don’t know, but I know Jesus does,” I answered. As I prayed, Tommie and I began walking his rapidly weakening body to the car to take him to the emergency room. He collapsed onto the back seat of the car. We arrived at the hospital in ten minutes, horn blasting all the way. The police at the hospital entrance must have radioed ahead because the ER staff burst out of the door with a cot as we pulled up. They whisked him away, directing us to the waiting room. A few minutes later the doctor came out to tell us that he had died of a massive heart attack. There was no warning and no pain. He was not sick in any way. The love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend was gone! 

Standing beside Johnnie’s bed with my hand on his still warm chest, I heard a loud voice say, “Nothing left undone. Nothing left unsaid. No regrets.” The authority and love in this voice prevented feelings of sorrow, anger, and betrayal from entering my heart. Peace filled me up from the inside out and encapsulated me. 

Standing beside the bed of my childhood sweetheart in the emergency room, the unthinkable happened. I was happy for him. After all, isn’t that what all saints want – to finish their course in a way that pleases God. No pain. No time to fret. Just a call to come home, and it was over. Johnnie was with Jesus and I was happy for him. But what about me? I prayed, “Jesus, help me through the next hour.” He did. I repeated that prayer for a few days until it evolved to “Jesus, help me through this day.” He did. Gradually I started to pray, “Jesus, help me through this week.” He did. 

I thought I could not live without Johnnie and if I did I would be dysfunctional. It was not true. Once the funeral was over and all my friends returned to their lives, God proved himself to be more than enough for me. Daily He stabilizes my heart with His love, which makes me strong. I feel God’s presence every day, which gives me peace. I pray for guidance before going to sleep and awake with the answers to my problems.

Johnnie was a good provider. I worked also, and together we were able to provide vacations, a comfortable home, college educations, and nice clothes for our children. God became an extravagant provider, not only taking care of my daily needs, but making my dreams come true. I had always wanted to travel abroad. So far I have been to London, Paris, Rome, Egypt, and Israel. 

It was Johnnie’s time to go home and be with the Lord. Now that it has happened, I am okay with it. My adult children have homes, children, and lives of their own; but I am not alone, nor lonely. Also, I have a new heart’s desire. I want God to be able to say about me the words He spoke about Johnnie, “Nothing left undone. Nothing left unsaid. No regrets.” My goal everyday is to live in such a way that God would be pleased with me. 

Often we think we are praying about one thing, when really we are praying about something else. My prayer was not motivated by love for Johnnie, but my unwillingness to live without him. God listens pass the words of our mouths and hears the words of our hearts. In His infinite wisdom, He answers the prayers of our hearts in ways we could not fathom with our finite minds. I am so very grateful that Father knows best. 

Dorothy J. Haire’s Bio

Dorothy is a retired Speech-Language Pathologist and a retired senior pastor who has earned four degrees. She is writing a commentary on the book of James.